WHY I HOMESCHOOL CONNOR by Elizabeth Walker

I always wanted to homeschool my children. My oldest son was born 12 ½ weeks early and, as a result of the prematurity, has special needs. I didn’t feel comfortable homeschooling him and had an immense fear that I would fail him academically. He was the first special needs person I really knew. I knew neurotypical. I knew “normal”. I didn’t know autism, mental impairment, seizures, ADHD, or any of the other issues he has struggled with.

So at 3 years old, he aged out of the birth to three program and off he went to the special needs preschool. It was 2 days a week, and he seemed to enjoy it. He was nonverbal at the time, so it’s not like he was able to come right out and say what he did or did not like about school. But he didn’t cry or show negative behaviors. I took that to mean he liked school.

The following year, we had moved to Raleigh County, and he was accepted into the headstart/special needs preschool program, which was 5 half days a week. He was starting to talk by then, and I know he enjoyed school. He loved his teachers, I felt comfortable leaving him with the staff, and overall it was a good experience. In kindergarten, we moved back to a different County, and everything went downhill from there. In kindergarten, he was in a segregated classroom and spent about 10 minutes a day with his regular ed peers. He was in a class with kids worse off than him and didn't make any progress that year. When he started school, he knew all his letters and sounds, knew some basic addition, and was ripe for learning. By the end of the year, he didn’t know very many letters anymore, hadn't progressed in math and hated school.

We moved once again after kindergarten, this time back to the district he went to for his second year of preschool. He made some progress that year. He started to learn to read and was doing some very basic math. He still disliked school. He really needed a one on one aide, but that didn't become as much of an issue until a couple years later. All through his elementary years, he really only had one teacher that was able to work with him effectively. Her name is Linda Riffe, and she was a Godsend to our family. She was his special ed teacher for third grade and half of fourth grade. She made so much progress with him and really gave us back our hope for Connor’s future. He was progressing nicely, liking school again, and even told us how much he loved Mrs. Riffe and called her his girlfriend. Unfortunately for us, she and her husband are missionaries and they had to return to Germany half way through fourth grade.

After Mrs. Riffe left, things went downhill very quickly at school. We had an IEP meeting on February 14 2013. The regular ed teacher literally yelled (she wasn’t speaking loudly, she was yelling) in the meeting about how horrible he is, how he won’t do anything, and wanted to know at what point she could just give up on him. Honestly, I do not know how I managed not to hit her, or at the very least give her a nice verbal lashing. I managed to keep my cool and be the better person. I have no doubt had my husband been at that meeting, there would have been such a scene the police would have been called. 

From that point on, it was hit or miss when Connor went to school. We kept him out for a week afterwards, until the principal agreed to our conditions on sending him back. Those conditions were not ever met and included things such as he was never to be left alone without another adult present. Our reasoning was if she would act the way she did in the IEP meeting in front of the principal and people from the board office, what was she doing when nobody was present? There were several other instances where we kept him out for days at a time following him receiving bad treatment at school. The principal is married to my husband’s first cousin, so one would think she would have a little bit more of an interest in how a child in her family was treated. In all honesty, he should have been pulled out of school that day, instead of giving the school and board multiple chances to make things right. I filed several formal complaints with the local board office but nothing was ever done. In fact, that teacher was promoted.

After that IEP meeting, other parents would message me and tell me what their kids would say about things happening when Connor was at school. I was told about how he was called "stupid", a "cry baby", how she was going to tell his dad what he was doing and his dad would spank him, how he would be totally ignored unless being yelled at. I sent my child to school with the expectation that he would be treated with respect and dignity. He wasn’t. I was also told about the gym teacher being mean to him, also. I would question her about the reports I received from other parents. She always denied it, but her actions seemed to indicate otherwise. Connor started crying every single day about going to school. He would beg through tears not to have to go. Every night before bed, he would ask if he had to go to school the next day and cry himself to sleep over the thought of school. What that woman did to him was despicable. At best it was bullying a special needs child, and at worst, it was emotional abuse.

We discussed and prayed over pulling him out of school over a period of several months, and didn't make the final decision until about 3 weeks before school started the following year. The final factor was when we found out the fifth grade teacher was going to be the same lady who said in his second grade IEP meeting “he can’t be in my class. I won’t have a child like him in my class.”

We have finished one full year of homeschooling, and have started our second year. Connor is a much happier child. He doesn’t have to fear school or fear any authority figures. While he is not at grade level, and likely never will be, he has made so much progress being homeschooled.